There have been times in the course of several classes I've taken when I was instructed to write my faith story. The format is always the same - 1) what your life was before you knew Jesus; 2) how you came to know Jesus; 3) how your life changed after knowing Jesus. I have always struggled with telling my story in this way because I have no recollection of a life before Jesus. Some of my earliest memories revolve around church. One in particular is when I turned three and *graduated* from the nursery to Sunday School. I can remember standing in a line watching the door open and marching with the other children to our new class room. We were not babies anymore, we were big kids. I can remember making a diorama out of a shoe box depicting the home of the widow where Elijah occupied the upper room (I Kings 17). What I can't bring to mind is a single memory of life before Jesus.
This is not a bad thing in and of itself, outside of the obvious difficulty in articulating a faith story that requires a before picture. It is what we want for our own children: a life of always knowing God. Beside the in-the-box-faith-story-dilemma, though, the lack of a before lends itself to taking for granted the reality of God in one's life, much in the same way we take our parents for granted. They have always been there and love us no matter how stupid we are, and that is what we come to expect. It's not until we reach early adulthood that we realize the sacrifices they made for us and that discipline really is one of the truest forms of love. The same is true of God, and it is entirely too easy to fall into adolescent behavior, thinking that the world revolves around me and that He is here to do my bidding, not the other way around.
As I ponder the beginning of the new year, I am dreaming about what it could look like. I am tired of taking God for granted. I am tired of cliche faith that so easily becomes formulaic: quiet times plus obedience = discipleship. I am hungry for the kind of everything love that is alive and authentic and vital and makes whatever might have been my before story seem completely irrelevant.
I want to love God with my whole heart, soul, mind and strength.
This is more than a mandate. It is more than setting time aside for the spiritual disciplines. It is about experiencing deeper relationship and walking hand in hand with Jesus, loving Him more intimately than ever before. I think I have been guilty of focusing on the mechanics as the means to an end. I am praying He will breathe new life into me and help me to see Him in new and refreshing ways. His love is calling me. I want to love Him with all that I am and articulate it in a way that those who are on the before side of the equation can hear His love calling them, too.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Soul Food - Part Two
It's Christmas-time. And as I sit in my living room and look in any direction, I see reminders of the season. A white three-piece nativity, given to me by my mother, flanked by a snow covered ceramic church and a fir tree, each with a little votive burning inside, softly illuminating them. Like sentries guarding the baby Jesus, there are two white-lit evergreens, one at each end of the coffee table. On the buffet a second nativity is displayed, this one carved of wood and including both shepherds and wise men. Angels, one on each end, sing of the Messiah's birth. And finally, on the end table, a beautiful blue and white ceramic depicts the flight to Egypt. Mary holds the baby Jesus, perched on a horse led by the protective Joseph. Everywhere I look I see Jesus.
My iPod is my constant friend this season, playing the beautiful melodies and harmonies that envelop the amazing words that feed my soul with the wonder of Jesus, leaving the glory of heaven to become a human being who would one day take the punishment for the sin of the world. I have listened over and over to the music of a local artist (Stephanie Seefeldt) who recently released a Christmas album which includes some of the most poignant lyrics imaginable. I have been deeply moved by several a capella groups that have brought old words to life in breathtaking new ways. In every sound that pours into my heart, I hear Jesus.
My soul is grateful for such rich nourishment. My soul has been longing for such food.
Soul food connects the eternal part of our being with the eternal God Himself. It is found in the simultaneous simplicity and magnificence of creation, it is found in beauty of music that stirs us to the core, and it is found in the message preserved through the centuries: the living Word of God. I think one of the reasons the Bible is such satisfying soul food is because its authenticity touches us right where we are. It introduces us to real people who have the same struggles and doubts as we do and doesn't sugar coat their failings. When Zechariah was visited by the angel Gabriel and received the news that his wife Elizabeth would bear a son he said, "How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years." I love the response: "I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of GOD, and I have been sent to speak to you and tell you this news." God sent an archangel and Zechariah still couldn't believe it. Oh, how I see myself in Zechariah. It's not enough that God has performed miracles in my life...from time to time, I still doubt.
When I find myself in such a place, I know my starved soul is longing for the touch, a visitation, a word, a connection point with the Almighty God. And when I simply stop running long enough to invite Him to speak and be quiet long enough to listen, He never disappoints.
My iPod is my constant friend this season, playing the beautiful melodies and harmonies that envelop the amazing words that feed my soul with the wonder of Jesus, leaving the glory of heaven to become a human being who would one day take the punishment for the sin of the world. I have listened over and over to the music of a local artist (Stephanie Seefeldt) who recently released a Christmas album which includes some of the most poignant lyrics imaginable. I have been deeply moved by several a capella groups that have brought old words to life in breathtaking new ways. In every sound that pours into my heart, I hear Jesus.
My soul is grateful for such rich nourishment. My soul has been longing for such food.
Soul food connects the eternal part of our being with the eternal God Himself. It is found in the simultaneous simplicity and magnificence of creation, it is found in beauty of music that stirs us to the core, and it is found in the message preserved through the centuries: the living Word of God. I think one of the reasons the Bible is such satisfying soul food is because its authenticity touches us right where we are. It introduces us to real people who have the same struggles and doubts as we do and doesn't sugar coat their failings. When Zechariah was visited by the angel Gabriel and received the news that his wife Elizabeth would bear a son he said, "How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years." I love the response: "I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of GOD, and I have been sent to speak to you and tell you this news." God sent an archangel and Zechariah still couldn't believe it. Oh, how I see myself in Zechariah. It's not enough that God has performed miracles in my life...from time to time, I still doubt.
When I find myself in such a place, I know my starved soul is longing for the touch, a visitation, a word, a connection point with the Almighty God. And when I simply stop running long enough to invite Him to speak and be quiet long enough to listen, He never disappoints.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Soul Food - Part One
Sometimes, I'm just out of whack. When I feel frazzled, I have to stop and take a step backwards, survey the situation and see what has caused my world to be atilt. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, I can point to a singular self-induced starting point. In fact, so often is this the case that I'm coming to the point in my life I can just skip the backwards step and know straight up what my problem is.
I've done it again.
I fall into this very bad habit of paying tons of attention to the temporal things in my life while neglecting the eternal. I remember to lay out my clothes the night before and spend enough time in the morning to look presentable...and pretty much without fail...but then it happens. I've gotten caught up in the mundane and have forgotten the profound. Again.
And then I wonder why the world seems overwhelming.
My soul is not demanding. In fact, that is probably the reason why it gets put aside from time to time. There are far more *urgent* calls on my energies, so it is not hard to understand why my soul gets treated like a second class citizen, but boy oh boy...when it does, things start to fall apart.
Our souls are the eternal life force within us that call out for a connection with our Creator. Our souls see the beauty (in fact, they long for beauty), they reach beyond the moment to eternity, and they are the link between us in the present and us in the forever. Our souls need to be lovingly cared for and nurtured, because when we neglect them, we lose our God-connection and our wings are clipped and instead of being able to soar, we're earthbound, stuck in ourselves.
When my soul begins to protest from lack of attention, my first inclination is to stick her back in the crib, shut the door, and let her cry it out. I'll show her a thing or two about longing for more - she's nothing more than a faithless whiner. The enemy of my soul says, "it's all about believing the truth - and putting feeling before fact is for fickle pansies. It doesn't matter whether you feel it or not - it's the truth that matters. So buck up." The enemy wants my faith to be soul-less, connected like a computer to its power source by a cable. The enemy wants me to believe a better cable is all I need. That kind of connection may be enough for my mind, which feeds on data, but it just doesn't satisfy my soul.
My soul needs more.
My soul needs more because this is the way God created me - with a body, a mind, AND a soul. When my prayers feel like they are going nowhere, when I wonder if God is really still out there...somewhere...when I start to look for a place to go - anywhere would be better than here, I know my starving soul is crying out for help. For nourishment. For soul food.
To be continued...
I've done it again.
I fall into this very bad habit of paying tons of attention to the temporal things in my life while neglecting the eternal. I remember to lay out my clothes the night before and spend enough time in the morning to look presentable...and pretty much without fail...but then it happens. I've gotten caught up in the mundane and have forgotten the profound. Again.
And then I wonder why the world seems overwhelming.
My soul is not demanding. In fact, that is probably the reason why it gets put aside from time to time. There are far more *urgent* calls on my energies, so it is not hard to understand why my soul gets treated like a second class citizen, but boy oh boy...when it does, things start to fall apart.
Our souls are the eternal life force within us that call out for a connection with our Creator. Our souls see the beauty (in fact, they long for beauty), they reach beyond the moment to eternity, and they are the link between us in the present and us in the forever. Our souls need to be lovingly cared for and nurtured, because when we neglect them, we lose our God-connection and our wings are clipped and instead of being able to soar, we're earthbound, stuck in ourselves.
When my soul begins to protest from lack of attention, my first inclination is to stick her back in the crib, shut the door, and let her cry it out. I'll show her a thing or two about longing for more - she's nothing more than a faithless whiner. The enemy of my soul says, "it's all about believing the truth - and putting feeling before fact is for fickle pansies. It doesn't matter whether you feel it or not - it's the truth that matters. So buck up." The enemy wants my faith to be soul-less, connected like a computer to its power source by a cable. The enemy wants me to believe a better cable is all I need. That kind of connection may be enough for my mind, which feeds on data, but it just doesn't satisfy my soul.
My soul needs more.
My soul needs more because this is the way God created me - with a body, a mind, AND a soul. When my prayers feel like they are going nowhere, when I wonder if God is really still out there...somewhere...when I start to look for a place to go - anywhere would be better than here, I know my starving soul is crying out for help. For nourishment. For soul food.
To be continued...
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Heart and Soul
(This post is part of a series. To start at the beginning, click HERE, scroll down to "Beginnings", and then scroll up the page, reading chronologically. When you get to the top of the page, go all the way back to the bottom to click on "newer posts". Start reading at the bottom of the page, again, working your way up. Confused yet? Me, too.)
As kids, we used to play a fun little piano duet with one another, pounding out the melody and the accompanying chords to the song we never heard on the radio but was just as much a part of us, Heart and Soul. Only today, after all these years do I stop and wonder if the song actually had lyrics (it did!).
Heart and soul, I fell in love with you,
Heart and soul, the way a fool would do,
Madly...
Because you held me tight,
And stole a kiss in the night...
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/f/frank_loesser/heart_and_soul.html ]
Heart and soul, I begged to be adored,
Lost control, and tumbled overboard,
Gladly...
That magic night we kissed,
There in the moon mist.
Oh! but your lips were thrilling, much too thrilling,
Never before were mine so strangely willing.
But now I see, what one embrace can do,
Look at me, it's got me loving you,
Madly...
That little kiss you stole,
Held all my heart and soul.
Why, today, was Heart and Soul the tune I found whistling in my head when I awoke?
Maybe it's because these words have been swirling in my head for weeks:
I have found it beyond interesting to discover that the vast majority of times the *soul* is mentioned in the Bible it is partnered with the *heart*. Deuteronomy, seemingly the longest sermon ever, is Moses' message to the Israelite people before they enter the Promised Land. And in Deuteronomy, Moses reiterates - no less than nine times - the people are to love God and serve God with their whole heart AND their whole soul. Nine mentions of the heart and the soul together in the same book certainly gets my attention. From the very depth of who we are - the command center of our belief system, our passions, our deepest thoughts and desires coupled with the eternal nature of our being, the part of us that is able to connect with the Living God - from this place, we are commanded to engage it all, to commit it all and to give it all in love and service to God with no less passion than when we fall in love on a human level.
We sing this simple chorus at church from time to time - it is the prayer of my heart today.
This is my desire to honor you
As kids, we used to play a fun little piano duet with one another, pounding out the melody and the accompanying chords to the song we never heard on the radio but was just as much a part of us, Heart and Soul. Only today, after all these years do I stop and wonder if the song actually had lyrics (it did!).
Heart and soul, I fell in love with you,
Heart and soul, the way a fool would do,
Madly...
Because you held me tight,
And stole a kiss in the night...
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/f/frank_loesser/heart_and_soul.html ]
Heart and soul, I begged to be adored,
Lost control, and tumbled overboard,
Gladly...
That magic night we kissed,
There in the moon mist.
Oh! but your lips were thrilling, much too thrilling,
Never before were mine so strangely willing.
But now I see, what one embrace can do,
Look at me, it's got me loving you,
Madly...
That little kiss you stole,
Held all my heart and soul.
Why, today, was Heart and Soul the tune I found whistling in my head when I awoke?
Maybe it's because these words have been swirling in my head for weeks:
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul...
I have found it beyond interesting to discover that the vast majority of times the *soul* is mentioned in the Bible it is partnered with the *heart*. Deuteronomy, seemingly the longest sermon ever, is Moses' message to the Israelite people before they enter the Promised Land. And in Deuteronomy, Moses reiterates - no less than nine times - the people are to love God and serve God with their whole heart AND their whole soul. Nine mentions of the heart and the soul together in the same book certainly gets my attention. From the very depth of who we are - the command center of our belief system, our passions, our deepest thoughts and desires coupled with the eternal nature of our being, the part of us that is able to connect with the Living God - from this place, we are commanded to engage it all, to commit it all and to give it all in love and service to God with no less passion than when we fall in love on a human level.
We sing this simple chorus at church from time to time - it is the prayer of my heart today.
This is my desire to honor you
Lord with all my heart
I worship you
I worship you
With all I have within me
I give you praise
All that I adore
is in you
I give you praise
All that I adore
is in you
CHORUS:
Lord I give you my heart
I give you my soul
I live for you alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have your way in me
Lord I give you my heart
I give you my soul
I live for you alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have your way in me
--Hillsong United
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