Christmas Spirit

List in hand, I headed to the grocery store yesterday to do my shopping for the big meal. We have two stores nearby, one a bit more upscale, and one regular supermarket. I've had a hankering for a smoked turkey, and for some reason, Sam's Club doesn't seem to stock them anymore. We used to have them regularly for Christmas dinner, and for about $15 a pop, thoroughly enjoyed them. But the past few years, I've come up empty handed when I've gone looking for one.

I called my two neighborhood grocery stores. First, I called the regular supermarket, asked for the meat department and sat on hold for 10 minutes. Enough of that. I called the upscale store, and they said they could order me one, to which I said that would be great.

So, yesterday was the day, and I headed to the upscale grocery store, full of Christmas cheer. I had just listened to the flash mob version of the Hallelujah Chorus, was moved to tears, and ready to face the crowds. The upscale grocery store likes to think of itself as an American version of a European market, so by design, the lot is divided up into small sections, the aisles are cozier, and there is none of the big box feel whatsoever. Most of the time, this lends to its charm, but when everybody and his brother is out picking up stuff for Christmas dinner, things tend to back up and it's just a wee bit annoying.

I made my way back to the meat department, picking up a few things along the way. I had talked myself into doing all my shopping there, no matter what the cost, just to save some aggravation and some unnecessary wear and tear on my Christmas spirit. That was until I picked up my smoked turkey. Imagine my heart-stopping shock when I glanced at the tag and saw the smoked turkey had nearly quadrupled in price from the last time I had bought one. Blending in with the rest of the upscale shoppers, I acted like spending over $50 for a turkey was something I did all the time. But on the inside, I was seriously deflated. It absolutely took the fun out of the rest of the entire day.

Determined to not spend another dime at the upscale grocery store, I made my way to the checkout, swallowed hard and paid the piper, and then headed to the supermarket to get the rest of the goods, grumbling under my breath the whole way.

Who knew that an overpriced turkey could so quickly ruin my day?

I called Girlfriend on the phone to complain, and in the nicest possible way, she told me to let it go...it's just money...it will probably be a superb turkey...just enjoy it and don't think about what you paid for it.

Half of my weekly grocery money on a turkey and I'm supposed to be happy about it?!? I don't think so!

Grrr.

Humbug.

I slunk (slinked?) home, determined to be in a bad mood for the rest of the day. And when Flyboy arrived, I let him get his clothes changed, put his feet up, relax a little, and then I hit him with my tale of woe. He understood exactly how I felt. He didn't scold me for not finding out in advance how much it would cost before ordering it, but he commiserated with my disappointment with complete camaraderie of spirit.

It reminded me of one of my all-time favorite movie quotes. It's in "Shall We Dance", when the private investigator asks his client (who had him following her husband) why people get married anyway. She responds, "because we need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet. I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything - the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things...all of it. All the time, every day. You're saying, 'Your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness.'"

I just love that. And it played itself out exactly in my life when Flyboy witnessed and validated how I felt. And that's all it took to help me find my way back to remembering what this is all about anyway. It's not about food (be it reasonable or overpriced). It's not about crowded parking lots or stores full of grumpy people. It is about the spirit of giving that was demonstrated by God the Father on the first Christmas night.

Now, a day later, it's Christmas Eve. I've spent a good part of the day prepping food for tomorrow's meal. Pebbles' family is coming and this meal is my gift to them as they prepare to leave for several months in Florida. They are giving the gift of the use of their home to our new associate pastor and his family who will arrive next week, so they've had their hands full between emptying closets to make room for guests and packing up to leave. Being on Christmas break, I am blessed with the gift of time and am so happy to be able to serve them in this way.

And, in a few hours, I'll be leaving for church to get the candles set up for tonight's service. Our youth pastor is delivering the message - the first time in 27 years that Flyboy has had the chance to sit and listen on Christmas Eve instead of preach. This is a wonderful gift for him, and a nice gift for our congregation who would rather not listen to him cough his way through (he has a cold).

Blessings are all around us. Girlfriend was right - letting go of the turkey was precisely what I needed to do.

There is a light snow falling - the kind that brings with it that sense of beauty and newness and contentment, the perfect way to usher in the celebration of our Savior's birth.

Merry Christmas.

No Place Like Home

Way back when our kids were around 12, 10, and 8, I got a part time job. It was my first job outside of our home (I had taught piano). Times were a little tight, and it seemed like the right job for the right time. I worked for the YMCA supervising a before/after school program. Clothes laid out, lunches made the night before, and I left early in the morning to head to work. A friend from the kids' school who lived nearby my workplace dropped them off after school, where they stayed with me until 5:00, when the program ended.

I remember walking down the stairs at church and being engaged in a conversation with a couple who stopped me there to talk. The husband said, "Hey - I hear you got a job! That's great news! Now you can be fulfilled!" My first instinct was to sock him in the chops, but I refrained, opting to listen to the little voice dressed in white as opposed to one dressed in black. My second instinct was to beat my breast and yell, "Man, are you daft?!?" Finally, I composed myself, smiled, and said, "Fulfilled? I was perfectly fulfilled at home. Why would I need a job to be fulfilled?"

I spoke the truth. And it is just as true today as it was then.

Working is hard. I can put on a good show, keep it together, maintain my obligations at church and at home, and even, from time to time, make it all look easy.

But that's not the truth.

The truth is, it is hard to be gone from home 45-50 hours a week and keep all the balls in the air.

I loved being home with my kids, and when they were all in school, just being at home. There is something about having somebody at home to keep the fires burning. Somebody to pick up the dry cleaning, take the vacuum cleaner in for repairs, do the banking, mail the Christmas gifts, plan and execute hospitality events, oh, and yes...do the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Even now, given the choice, I would much rather be home than at work. I think of how much easier Flyboy's life would be if I were on the home front taking care of all the domestic needs, allowing him to come home from a high-stress, high-needs job and just rest.

But for now, that is not to be. Our reasons for me working are just as valid as they have ever been, and while I might wish to be at home, it's not going to happen.

Except for days like today.

Today is the beginning of my two week "winter holiday", during which I intend to fully celebrate CHRISTmas, spend time with family and friends, be domestic, and rest. Since I do have to work, there is no place like a school to offer the most paid holidays around, fulfilling my desire (every now and then) to be at home. I am certainly blessed.