New read

I'm finding Henri Nouwen's Spiritual Direction to be a fascinating read. He comes from a different spiritual tradition and has a different vocabulary, but I think that only serves to deepen the meaning for me, rather than detract from it. I'm trying to take the time to process and really think about the questions at the end of each chapter. I found this one particularly thought provoking:

What moments in your spiritual life stand out as crucial? Describe these moments succinctly and indicate their main intellectual, emotional and spiritual significance. I believe the first time I thought about a "spiritual" life was when I was five years old. I recognized that other people in our congregation had reached some sort of rite of passage that I had not achieved. They took the Lord's Supper, and I did not, and I felt left out. In conversation with my mother, and subsequently with the pastor, I learned that the other people had articulated at some point their belief in God and their desire to follow Him, and this articulation was all that was required for me to be able to participate. I did articulate my belief in Jesus (and in Peter, John and all those other guys, too). As much as it was possible for a five-year-old to have a spiritual starting point, it was such for me. I have looked back on this many times and have wondered if it is wrong to encourage faith steps in a young child (like baptism and communion) before he is able to understand their significance. In the evolution of my faith life, I have revisited the commitment made early on and have affirmed it along the way. On the one hand, I question the validity of a decision made by a child before that magical "age of accountability", but on the other hand, taking a child seriously and affirming the value of faith steps (as opposed to pooh-poohing them until they're older) encourages the spiritual walk. I am thankful that nobody told me I was too young to believe and that by baptizing me and encouraging my participation in communion, my desire for a faith walk (though perhaps not completely understood yet) was acknowledged and affirmed.

In the Southern Baptist tradition, the outer expression of the articulation of a belief (in the form of baptism) is the most important faith step there is. I think that the weak point of this tradition is that many view baptism as an end unto itself, rather than the beginning of a spiritual life. It is a destination instead of an embarking point. It is taking me a long time to figure this out, and to realize that the spiritual life is more than going to church, even more than reading the Bible and saying prayers. Realizing and articulating that there is a God who is bigger than me, who created all life is one thing. Knowing what to do with that articulation is another kettle of fish. Learning how to live a spiritual life through which this God becomes more than words on a page or words spoken from a pulpit is something else altogether. And it is taking a lifetime. There have been many touchstones along the way…times when I realized a deeper need to connect with this invisible God, times when something I'd heard a thousand times took on new meaning, times when I watched God intervene in my life in some way, only possible by supernatural means. The spiritual life is so much more than a moment of faith articulation. It is a journey of monumental significance through which the God of the universe becomes more than a belief system or a set of values…more than a place to turn when times are tough…more than the small image of him that fits inside the box I have created for him to stay in until I really need him. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, the creator and sustainer. He is everywhere and in everything and when I take Him out of the box when I need Him and put Him back when I am finished with Him, I reduce Him to a manageable size, getting a bit confused about who is God and who is not. When I see Him for who He is, and realize that HE wants to be known by me, I am astounded. HE has provided everything I need for this journey, and HE wants to walk by my side through every moment of it. "Who I am, that you are mindful of me, that you hear me when I call? Is it true that you are thinking of me? That you love me? It's AMAZING, so amazing - I am a friend of God…He calls me friend." (Israel Houghton) Learning how to live this truly amazing truth is the most important endeavor of my life.